Ask the Onceler!
by IcyJade2007
Summary: So, as a warm-up to my upcoming Lorax story, here's a silly thing to entertain you! It's an ask everyone's lovable inventor, The Once-ler! QUESTIONS ARE CLOSED!
1. Indroduction, Rules and Regs

**Hello wonderful readers and lovely possible reviewers! So, my latest obsession is, that's right, THE ONE THE ONLY **

**ONCE-LER. **

**Alright back to business. I'm probably going to start writing a story about him but to get used to his style and such, IM STARTING AN ASK THE ONCE-LER STORY! **

**Now to make sure the admins don't take this off because its an author's note, here's Oncie with the rules and regs**:

* * *

The young Once-ler gets up from planting another Truffula Tree, wipes his brow and says, "Hey readers! I'm the infamous Once-ler and this is story where YOU make the plot!"

He points at the audience while the Humming Fish sing, "VVVVIOLAAAAAAAAA!"

He chuckles and says, "But with anything, there are a few, a-hem, rules. It can't be a free-for-all..." He scratches the back of his neck and mumbles, "I've seen the effects of it before."

The humming fish hum sadly and pat the embarrassed and upset Once-ler.

Barbaloots come out from behind a fully-grown tree and giggle. Once-ler picks up Pipsqueak and continues, "These are some regs to this. Number One!"

Humming fish hum, "OOOOOOOONE!"

"You'll leave your question in a review. You can PM, if you'd prefer that. Oh and if you see a mistake, you can always point it out in a review! This is practice, remember, so Jade can get a good feel about me and my setting. Just be nice, ok? Second!"

"TWOOOOOO!"

"-You're question will be answered by Once-ler," he points to himself, "Old Me."

"OOOOOOOOOOLD!"

The old Once-ler comes into the picture, smiling warmly and waving. The animals flocked to him in order to be pet.

Once laughs, checks his cue card and frowns and mumbles, "Aaaaaand Jade told me that Greed-ler had to be here, too."

The green suit clashed with the pastel background as the gold chains and coins clanked in his pockets. The animals scurried away and even Pipsqueak wriggled out of Once-ler's arms to escape. Young and Old glared at him with such coldness Barbaloots behind the trees had to rub their arms for warmth.

"Aw look, they're scared!" Greed smirked and made a face at a Humming Fish, who jumped down into the pond.

Young squinted as Old frowned. Young growled, "You chop down ONE tree and you'll be out! Just because you have to be here doesn't mean you have to stay!"

"oooo, I'm so scared!" Greed cringed in mock fright.

Young pinched the bridge of his nose, "Yep. We're all here in THE SAME UNIVERSE." Old rolled his eyes playfully. Young sighed and continued, "So, specify which me you want-"

Greed mouthed "PICK ME!" While Old shoved him over.

"-In your review. Feel free to include other characters, too. Oh yeah! THIS WILL BE SHORT, We're only answering twenty-five questions, more or less, because remember, this is a warm up. Now on to the rules! One! No naughty questions. Please. This is rated K+. Two! I ANSWER QUESTIONS IN ORDER. So please don't freak out if I don't get to yours. And I have the right to refuse any question. So if you don't follow these rules, I don't have to answer them!"

"SO HA!" Greed smiled and jeered at the readers. Old frowned at him. "what?" Greed asked.

Young rolled his eyes. "Finally, you can only have one Once in a question at a time. So none of that... Me and Greed stuff Eeeeeeesh!." He shuttered.

"What's wrong buddy?" Greed put his arm around his shoulder, "You don't like me?"

Young wiggles out and sneers,"I don't make the rules."

Old chuckles and said in his squeaky voice, "So ask away!"

The three grin and wave as the scene turns to black.

* * *

**First come first serve! **


	2. Round One!

**Wow guys! You ask some interesting questions! Remember, the sillier the better. xD Here's the first chapter with the first four questions! **

* * *

The Young Once-ler reads his cue card and blushes a bit. "I won't read this one out loud, because its a bit personal. A-hem, I was never really good at advice, but I'll try!"

Pipsqueak runs up to the camera and licks it, his form of a kiss. Once chuckles and says, "We'll, I'd say going up to someone who looks nice and has nice friends and try talking. Smile a lot, and make eye contact. If you become friends you trust them, then you can tell them. But you don't have to if you don't want to." Once smiles and says, "Of course, I'll be your friend! If you want me to, of course."

The animals around him smile and nod.

* * *

The young Once-ler smiles to the camera and says, "Hey, Jade thinks its awesome that you have her that peice of advice! She's gonna use it soon."

Humming fish hum, "Ye-Ye-Ye-yessss!"

Once runs his temples. He thinks for a moment- wide eyes and fore finger to his chin - and says "Well, Qoheleth, I'm not really into politics, but I'd have to say the one that will help the environment. So Barak Romney? Or Mitt Obama? In not really sure which one's which." He shrugs.

*A/N- I live in Britian, so I don't really keep up with politics that much xD hope you don't mind :3

* * *

A swammy-swan with a fadora and striped pants reads a cue card and squawked, "Swaa Squaak-"

"-And thank you, Swammy." Once picks up his hat and rolls his eyes at the pants. "Anyway, Brooke-ler, (awesome name by the way!) if I had one superpower..."

Waves of light appear in the screen, making it blurry.

I would choose the power over nature.

The picture is restored, but in choppy animation and looks like it was drawn by a six-year-old.

That way, I could chop down trees for my Thneeds and then regrow them!

The picture shows Once hacking at a tree, and it falls down. He collects the tuffs and stuffed in a bag. The Lorax watches him lift his arm and the tree stump turns into a new tree. The Lorax smiles and take the wood to make a birdhouse, some touches on Once's house, and a feeder for the swammy-swans...

The picture is restored to normal and shows the Once-ler staring into space.

Barbaloots poke him which wakes him up. "Oh, heh heh, sorry about that. But I guess I do have the power of plants, like I can plant a seed and such." He shrugs, "Enough with the kid inspiration stuff. I'm starting to sounds like Mustache."

The animals snicker.

* * *

Greed-ler smiles at the camera and says, "Alright! Enough of THAT loser! It's MY turn to shine!"

He sneers as a swammy-swan quickly flies in the other direction.

"ohmyblitz asked, 'What kind of girls do you like?'" Greed rings his hands and says, "Easy! The kind that come from RICH FAMILIES!" He laughs darkly and says, "We'll Oncie-poo's favorite girls are the ambitious kind, like 'want to make a difference' kind of girls." He mocks.

"THE RICH ONES ARE HOTTER!" Greedy smirks and strums his beloved guitar. "He just likes that girl Audrey."

* * *

Well, that's chapter one :3 Chapter two will be posted soon!

And how am I doing with Oncie? An I making him to Hippie-ish? How about Greed? Is he too mean? Not enough? If you notice something please feel free to tell me =)


	3. Round Two!

**Hey y'all! So thanks to everyone with their kind reviews! I'm so thrilled that everyone said I write them well =D**

**BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG SHOUT-OUT TO masterloki159 for recommending this Q&A (Come at me, admins!) in her story! I highly recommend "The Once-ler's Return" From her/him, it's a great read that will make you laugh, cry and bite your freshly-manicured-nails off with anticipation! (5 pounds down the drain, but worth it!)**

**Onto Round Two!**

* * *

The older Once-ler finishes watering a baby Truffula sprout and looks up. "Hello there, teenagers. Guess you aren't that interested in The Donkey Kongs as I thought you were." he chuckles, "Well I have a question to answer. I'm surprised you didn't ask those whipper-snappers Young and Greed, ah well. I take what I can get."

He laughs again, "Well, this one's from WrittenInClouds and it says, ' How do you feel about the fans drawing gorey art of you killing people?"

He looks annoyed and confused at the same time and huffs, "I would never!" He rolls his icy blue eyes, "I think it's gross. And just plain wrong." he turns around and says over his shoulder, "I hope you have a nice day too!"

* * *

The Greed-ler gets off of his red chair and grins into the camera, "I'm back, I'm back, you fan-girls can stop crying now." He grins again and cracks his knuckles, "I gotta question! I know, fanficaddiction," he whips his nails on his coat and looks at them, "I make a great intro." He smiles again and reads, "It says, 'Greed-ler, what do you think influenced you more, your own desire to your business going or your mother pushing you to be like the rest of the family?"

He snorts, "In the beginning, it was mostly Mama-sita pushing me around and saying I was worth less then a dust bunny. Then, as soon as people got their senses and realized that the Thneeds are amazing, then I ignored her and let the money roll in!"

He sits back down, runs a stack of money through his fingers and says, "Yah, being rich is awesome."

* * *

The young Once-ler flips a pancake onto a plate and grins his charming grin, "Hey guys, one sec Pipsqueak and Meatloaf have been begging me to make flapjacks all morning!"

He sets the plates down in front of his two friends. Pipsqueak digs in while the Lorax cuts through the pancake. "Don't ya have a question to answer, Beanpole? '

"Huh?" He turns around and smacks his forehead, "I forgot! Thanks Mustache."

The Lorax rolls his eyes and bites into the fluffy treat. Young reads quickly the question on the Card and says, "Scarlet-Nightshade asked, 'Who taught you how to play the guitar?" Once frowns. "Ya don't have to answer if you don't wanna, Beanpole."

"No, no I will." he sighs sadly and says, "My dad taught me the basics… Before, yah know, he left…" He gazes at the instrument in the corner. "I kinda taught myself after that." Pipsqueak abandons his breakfast to comfort his human, who rubbed his neck in grief. When the Barbaloots fur made contact with the Once's leg, he instantly cheered up.

The Lorax smiled. He hated to see Beanpole in such dumps.

* * *

The Greed-ler shoves the fan-girl off of his lap and wipes the lip gloss off of his cheek, "Jeez, fan girls!" He rolls his eyes and wipes the rest of the gloss off his cheek, "I guess I'm just irresistible!"

He slaps his knee, "An-nee-way, thanks for that PDA, horsewhisper3, but to answer your question, I'm a really fan of Oldies but Goldies. Anything from the 6O's, 7O's, 8O's and 9O's I adore." he laughs, "But I also like rock and anything with a good guitar solo."

The emphasize his point, he picks up his guitar and plays the first few chords of "How Bad Can I Be?" He bites his lower lip and laughs.

* * *

**This chapter's question! (Lol), for my upcoming story (which I hope you all will read :3) which do you think is cuter: A Big Brother / Little Sister relationship, or a Big Sister / Little Brother relationship? Thanks a bunch! **


	4. Round Three!

**Hello again! So I'm not sure how many question will be in a Round, yet. =p I feel that they are so short that they can't be less then three but if it's more then five I feel it'll get tedious =/ Any recommendation of how many you'd like to see?**

**Thanks so much for your answers! IT WAS A TIE! Bum bum bum! I might have a tie breaker, but for now my story will changes relationships. **

**Round Three!**

* * *

Young Once unloads his cart while Melvin grunts. "Sorry, buddy, but we were clean out of Marshmallows and pancake mix! Do you want me to starve?"

Melvin made a grunt that sounded like, "Uh, ya!"

Once rolled his blue eyes and says, "Hey there, folks! This question is from Oncie's Sweetheart (oh, heh heh, love your username! Very, um, _cute_.) I hate Oncest too! It makes me sick. Submit while you can! Jade's bumped it up to 3O questions because of the response!" He grins excitedly and says, "Well the question says, 'Which do you like better? Pancakes or marshmallows?"

Once looks stunned. He stands there slake-jawed and arms lanky. He stays this way until Melvin rolls his eyes and hip-checks him. "You expect me to CHOOSE? And how is that an easy one!?" He whimpers devastated, "bu- uh- so good- both- eh!" He sighs, "I guess pancakes, because once you start you can't stop, but marshmallows pick you up on a bad day!" he thinks for a moment, then snaps his fingers, "Marshmallow fluff _on _pancakes! Haha!"

Melvin shakes his head and rolls his eyes. Once crosses his arms and says, "Well, you think of a better answer!"

* * *

The Greed-ler flips through his cue cards and picks one, "Ah!" he says, "This one's from FallenFromParadise and it has a whole bunch of business stuff on it." His smile's full of mischief as he taps his finger tips together, "You know? I just might take your advice… Maybe I'll sell a limited-addition green Thneed, and then have a deal once and a while.. I could knit (KNITING IS COOL) a sweater and more stuff…"

He smiles evilly and looks out the window at the lush Truffula forest, now fully regrown. He turns towards the window, where he reaches for a sharp object that's cutting through his guitar case.

"Just _one _tree can't hurt…"

Suddenly, as he was just about to leave, a rumble could be felt. Greed looks down at his feet fearfully as the ground shakes. The door bursts open, and a whole crowd of screaming fan-girls scream at Greed.

"HOW COULD YOU!?" masterloki159 screams. "YOU'RE A MEANIE!" WrittenInClouds and Franki09 point. "I LOVE YOU!" Oncie's Sweetheart and justsomeguyyouknow squeal through the crowd. Greed winks as they faint.

The young and old Once-ler shuffle through the crowd, led by IcyJade2OO7. She says, "Ok, that's enough for today, mister…" Young and Old drag him to the door, much to Greed's protest. "Aw come on guys! I wasn't _really _gonna hurt another tree!"

"Whatever, you thought about it." Jade rolls her eyes, "You your punishment you must, um…" She notices that the two fan girls were waking up. She grins while giving an evil laugh, "Your punishment is that you have to suffer THE WRATH OF A FAN-GIRL!"

"NOOOOOOOO!" Greed screams as he is tossed to the fan girls, and let's just say it wasn't pretty.

**A.N.: This is what you come up with when you're writing at 2 am xD**

* * *

The Once-ler grins as he dusts off his gloves. The fan girls have left his tent, and he picks up his card while wiping the lip-stick off his cheeks, "Hey guys!" he says cheerfully, "Thanks for all your cool questions! This one's from masterloki159 and it says, 'If you were to meet O'Hara what would you say to him? Would you taunt him for his lack of sales stock compared to your success in thneeds or would you shout at him for his evil for not helping bring back the trees (or helping you for that matter)? "

Once frowns and furrows his eyebrows. "First off," he says, trying to be pleasant, "I _would _criticize his sense of business. The dude tried to sell _air _for Pete's sack!"

A female intern with a headset whispers in his ear and then quickly backs out of the picture. Once says, "Oh! He was successful with it? Whoa, why didn't I think of that?" he quickly pushes away his inner greed and clears his throat. "Second, I would be mad at him for not doing anything to help, well, anyone! He let everyone live a lie. Prat."

He folds his arms, "Finally, I would criticize his sense in fashion. Really? I'll give you ten bucks to get a new haircut."

* * *

The Once-ler finishes petting a swammy-swan and says, "Ooo, a question!" The animals around him cheer for his popularity. The Lorax rolls his eyes, wondering when all this attention will get to his head, if it hasn't already. Once glances at a card and says, "This one's from ZoeythePinkNinja and it says, 'Hey Once!'"

He waves, "Why hello there!" and then continues, "If you could choose to be any animal to be your favorite, which animals would it be a why?"

The Lorax huffs while Once looks at him. "Um," the lanky man says, "I guess the Barbaloots? Because they're really friendly and fluffy and stuff."

The bear-like creatures grin proudly while the swammy-swan and the humming fish frowns. One fish sighs unhappily, "Aaaaaaaawh." Lorax looks at them, and then gives a look to Beanpole. "Alright!" he says, defeated, "I also like the swammy-swans because they can fly really well and that helped with the regrowth of the Truffulas."

This time, all but the humming fish beamed. Once sighs, "I'm getting to you guys too! And the humming fish are awesome because, well, they're fish! That can sing!"

The fish sing with joy in unison, "Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

The Lorax and Once laugh. The fluffy peanut clears his throat. Once rolls his bright blue eyes, "And of course, the Lorax is a great friend, slightly annoying, but a nice creature."

All the animals beam at being the favorite of the human, but the Lorax nudges him. Once does the same, but accidentally pushes him off the stump.

"Whoops. Sorry Mustache."

* * *

The Old Once-ler finishes up sweeping the kitchen floor of his Lurkin. "Hello, just one moment I'm almost done."

He _swooshes _the broom across the floor and nods, satisfied.

"Alright alright alright, keep your bell-bottoms on. This question's from WrittenInClouds, and it says, 'So whats your thoughts on Tedler? Creepy right?"

His pupils shrink and he looks as if he's going to puke. He shakes his head and says, "I don't think I've ever heard a more _creepy _thing to say _in my life. _"

The old Once-ler gulps as he tries to keep his lunch in his large intestine, "What is it with you teenagers and your freaky questions for me!"


	5. Round Four!

**HELLO WONDERFUL FOLKS OF THE WORLD =D ok, so school's been tough (Balancing this, straight A's, and social time is not as easy as it sounds) but I've made time for you guys to post this WHOLE CHAPTER hsighshgadhg for justsomeguyyouknow. ENJOY LOVIES =)**

**Oh, and questions are offically closed! I did that because 1. this is waaay over 25 questions :) 2. It gives me time to work on my actual Oncie story! YAY! Tell me if you guys are excited ;) Just kidding, you don't have to :) ANYWAY! enough prattle, heres ROUND FOUR!**

* * *

**I got a question for the lorax! So you have quote on quote "powers" ok, why didn't you use them to save pipsqueak in the river?.**

The lorax huffs, folds his arms and says, "Listen kid, they don't work like that." He looks off screen, "What!" he rolls his eyes, "Fine. My powers are that I can talk to the trees and listen to them! That's it! Nothing special!"

* * *

**Question for old Onceler! You were locked in that house for years, what did you eat? What did you do? How?**

Old looks up from knitting a scarf, "Ha, well I would go to my chimney every morning and there would be different food stuffs for me. I do know who put it there, but that would ruin Jade's story." he winks, "And I knitted a lot, I played chess with myself, read a lot of books, thought up of different inventions, and hoped for a better future."

* * *

**Question for Greedler! How were there not like millions of girls throwing themselves at you? Just saying, I know a lot of people who LOVE you.**

The green-suited man grins and says, "I ask myself that question everyday, sweetie."

* * *

**Questions for young Onceler! 1.) Your eyelashes, were you born with them, or was it maybelline? 2.) Your thoughts on onecest? I personally don't like it, but I have nothing against people who do.**

The young man shrugs and blinks a few times, "I guess I was born with them! My mum says I take after my dad." he rubs the back of his neck, "And then yell at me for bringing him up." He shutters, "Eeh! Two of my personalities getting together! I think its dodgy. And creepy."

* * *

**Questions for Ted! 1.) Are you even old enough to drive that one wheeled thing? 2.) Are there like cops in your town? Because, where I'm from, you would have broken a lot of laws.**

The young kid smirks and says, "Yea, it's just about as illegal as riding a bicycle!" And then laughs for a minute. He calms down and says, "Well, haha, yeah I got called into Juvy for breaking down a wall, but they said that I was only trying to help. And so they let me off with a warning." he stares off into the distance, "I wonder if Audrey likes bad boys..."

* * *

**Questions for Audrey! 1.) Do you like Ted? 2.) How old are you?3.) Do you have parents? 4.) Where did you get the time to paint the forest?**

The teenagers blushes a bit and says, "Well, kinda… I mean as a little brother!… Maybe if he grew five or six inches…" She coughs nervously, "Anywhere between 14-18" She smiles slyly. "Of course I have parents! My mum works all day and my dad has an office upstairs. I used to paint all the time after I got done school, so when my grandfather told me about the trees I got home earlier from school so I could paint them." She waves goodbye, "Thanks for asking!"

* * *

**Finally, a question for Granny Norma! Did you know the onceler?**

The old woman smiles and looks up from her book, "Maybe I did and maybe I didn't…."

The camera zooms in on a framed photograph of her and the Old Once-ler in a photo booth. Norma knocks the picture off with her cane and hisses, "Don't touch that!"

* * *

**Oh wait, one more for Pipsqeak! You liked being hugged by the Onceler, didn't you?**

The bear-like creature sits down next to the Lorax who just read the question. The barbaloot thinks for a moment, shrugs, and nods yes enthusiastically. The Lorax chuckles.

* * *

_**And A Little Bonus~ **_

**young onceler: Will you marry me?**

Young half smiles and says, "I would love to, but I've got 5O,OOO girls (and a few guys) asking the same thing." he points outside where a rally of fan girls have occupied the Truffula forest, each trying to get a glimpse of their crush.


	6. Round Five!

**Hey boys and squirrels, it's been a long week full of school :o so here's thank you for being patient chapter =)**

* * *

The Old Once-ler laughs at a letter he has in his hands. "Hi everyone, oh this is just nothing. It's a letter from Ted saying that he'll be later... (I think he's with Audrey) Anyway..." He picks up his que card, "my question is for Old: What do you think of Ted and Audrey's relationship? Do you feel a father-like pride or does he remind you of how old you were at that age, or what? I'd be really interested to know. :3"

The elder chuckles and says, "I do feel like I have 'adopted' if you will, Ted in way. So I do feel somewhat proud of him for picking up such a nice girl." He winks. "I did have a relationship back then... Ah Norma..." He sighs dreamily, but then snaps out of it, "Wait, what!"

*A Few Moments LAter*

The Old Once-ler bangs on the camera, "GIVE ME BACK THAT TAPE! HOW DO YOU OPEN THIS?!"

* * *

The older Once-ler sips a cup of tea, "Sorry for that. A-hem, here's the question. 'Did you and Grammy Norma have any type of relationship?'"

He blushes and says, "Um, well, she did... Um, erm, if you count a milkshake on Saturdays..."

Ted and Audrey snicker from that window. Once turns around, but they ducked to fast for him to see them. "Darn kids."

* * *

The Old Once-ler smiles as warm as the summer day outside and says, "Well, you kids really like me today. Ha ha ha." He stands up slowly and says, " this is the question, 'To Once-ler Senior (becasue I refuse to call someone as adorable as you old), I'd like to know your fondest memory; did it help you through your depression at all, or was it only the possibility of fixing your mistakes?'

'Well, my fondest memory was a long long time ago...'

_It was the fall, when I was a boy. _

_My father used to take me outside. We would laugh and play in the river. Then mom would call us home to dinner. Even Brett and Chett were peaceful. It was last day before HE_ _left. _

'Thats enough boring you folks with my boring childhood memories. Heh heh.' He taps his fingers together. 'Bye now!'

* * *

The young Once-ler snores as his chest rises up and down. And intern hisses behind the camera, 'PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST! WAKE UP.' a sigh can be heard. Then footsteps, all while the Once-ler is still sleeping. Footsteps come closer, and then a glass of water is thrown onto him. He bolts up and screams, 'AAAAAH! I'M UP! I'm up...'

He then looks mad. 'What now!'

'You have a question!" The intern hisses, and then throws a book at him.

'Arrrg!' he yells, 'Alright, I'll answer it!' he rubs his sleepy eyes and reads from the cue card behind the camera, 'what happened to your father did he just leave?personally, I thought he died or was murdered or something but those are my crazy thoeries and i've always wondered the truth.' He facepalms, 'Yah know, I'll really don't want to talk about it...' but then takes a deep breath, 'My dad was thrown out but my mum. She just hated him after he yelled at her for using real furs...'

He rolls under the covers and muffles, "Now lemme sleep! It's 6 in the morning!"

* * *

**I won't be updating for another week or two =( Sorry guys, but homework comes first D= **


	7. Round Six!

**SURPRISE! *shoots confetti cannon* Here's a chapter really early because I'm bored and don't wanna study German. Everyone gets cake too because I made in Culinary and nobody wanted it T-T**

**AND the Outline for my story is done! WOOT WOOT! If this reaches 50 reviews this chapter I'll give away the title ;)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Up in the top floor of his factory, the Greedier (covered in bruises and missing teeth, not to mention some of his hair has been ripped off*) smirks and reads the cue card behind the camera, "(To Greed) BESIDES money, have you ever loved anyone romantically? (No, flings don't count)"

He laughs for a couple seconds and says, "Do I look like someone, Oncie's Sweetheart, that would a have _thing _for someone?"

A stuffed Turkey thrown from off the screen hit him in the face. He winces and rubs his cheek while grumbling. "Alright alright! I did have a thing for someone*… before I became _this_." He points to his getup sadly. He then perks up then smiles, "What a man she missed out on!'

**A.N./ *Remember two chapters ago when Greed got attacked by raging fan girls? **

***you picture whoever you want to have a thing for Greed, even yourself :3**

* * *

The young Once-ler, surrounded by the beauty of the Truffula Forest, half smiles and says, "Hey everyone! I got another question, whoa you guys are curious." He holds up a sign that says, "(To Young) Can I feel your hair (I'll probably need a stool or something if you say yes)"

He sighs, blows his bang out of eyes and takes off his fedora. A girl comes into the picture, strolling casually along. An intern quickly puts a stool on the soft grass and then runs away. The Once-ler slouches over a bit and hold his head out. She calmly takes a step on it, and with shaky hands places them on his head.

She squeaks quietly with the softness of his hair. She climbs down and thanks him, screaming and leaking fangirlism on the inside.

* * *

The Greedler flashes a smile full of fake white teeth and says, "I'm baaaaaack! Did ja miss me?" Cricka-loots chirped in reply,

"Well. Ok then. Here's my question, Have you ever regret anything?!

Thank you and i hope you go broke!...im just kidding again…"

He scoffs and says, "Well I hope you get, uh, writer's block! Yeah, uh, writer's block."

He nods, satisfied. "And to answer your question, yes, actually. It was telling my family about my success! Sure, it was nice to have a praise now and then, but in reality? They just stole 50% of my profits and told me what a scumbag I was after the profits went down."

He rolls his eyes, looking depressed but trying to hide it. He loosens his tie and flops on is red couch, "Pah! Who needs him…"

When secretly he needed a mother to comfort him right now as he stared out into the barren waste-land he calls home.

* * *

The Greed-ler sits on a tree stump outside with grey fog surrounding him. He smiles and says, "Two Greed question in a

row! I know, you guys must love me." he rubs his nails against his green collar while having a smug plastered on his face. He takes out a cue card from his breast coat pocket and reads, "This one is for Greed-ler, Hey Greed! I wanted to ask, why ARE you so greedy?"

He sniffs and waves, "Hey-o fan girl! And have you seen how much money I make? Who WOULDN'T be greedy!" He chuckles nervously as mean looks from the interns smack him the face. "What? I'm just sayin'!"

* * *

The Young Once-ler strums his guiter strings, grins and rights down the notes on a sheet of paper. "Hey everyone! Ok, I know you were getting sick Mr. How-Bad-Can-I-Possibly-Be over there, so here I am to full fill your Once-ler needs." He grins, obviously full of it from all the attention. "Ok, so here's my question, 'My question this time is for Young: What's your favourite ship out of Normaler, Once/Audrey, Oncest, or Tedler?'"

He shrugs. "Ok, it gets a little complicated. Old likes Grammy Norma, like _a lot._ If I'm set in Ted's time and universe, I think Audrey would have a thing for me." He picks his feet up and sets them on the music stand, "Ted has a thing for Audrey, and I think Greed likes me." He squints and fear and takes his feet down, paranoid as if his personality would burst through the door and hug him to death.

"Ok heh! Thanks for asking." He takes his guitar and races out of the room, stopping only to pick up the music sheet he was working on.

* * *

**Well, it's been a ton of fun but stay tuned FOR THE LAST CHAPTER OF ASK THE ONCE-LER! I hope you had as much reading as I have writing!**


	8. Round Seven and the Sign-Off

**Salutations everyone! Well, behold! The last chapter of Ask The Once-ler ='( But my new story will be published shortly, don't fret.**

**IGoForTheNerds, you're such a dork =p**

**And this is dedicated to everyone who reviewed! Which is; ZoeyThePinkNinja, Qoheleth, Brooke-ler, ohmyblitz, WritteninClouds, fanficaddiction, Scarlet-Nightshade, Horse-whisperer3, Oncie's Sweetheart, Fallen From Paradise, justsomeguyyouknow, masterloki159, Frankie09, Frittzy Crazy, *TAKES A BREAH* RobinMakesMeHappy, Rose Silverpen, Batman, QueenAwesome32112, 101Giraffes, ILoveHeartsandAnimals and finally, IGoForTheNerds.**

**I seriously could not have done this without you. All of you have contributed to this 51 reviews, and so on behaf of me and all my imaginary interns, here's the title: Keeping It Together.**

**You guys are my world =) So, I have one final question; Are you ready to read?**

**And now, last but not least, the final chapter of Ask The Once-ler. **

**Enjoy ^-^**

* * *

The Old Once-ler puts down his new laptop and chuckles as he reads his reactions to some of the answers he gave. 'Oh hello, everyone. I'm just reading this here story Jade's written about all of us.' he laughs again, 'Sometimes these answers are funny!'

He walks over to the kitchen and pours himself a cup of hot chocolate. He puts two marshmallows in, thinks about it, and then shrugs and dunks a third in. He sips some and says, 'Alright, this question is from FrittzyCrazy and they asked, 'Did you ever have the feeling you just wanted to scream in anger over some of the disgusting question you get?'

He thinks for a moment, toying with his mustache. The man says, 'Sometimes, at the time, I wanted to quit and go knitting. But now that I think about it, I had a lot of fun answering these questions for you guys.' he sits down on his couch and finishes, 'I liked all the attention!'

The senior citizen snores loudly on the same sofa bed when we return. His tongue hangs out of his mouth as he coughs spasmodically. He wakes up, 'HUH? WHA?"

He sags down as he notices the camera, 'Another one? Jeez, you guys just won't et me rest!' he picks up his empty glass, squints and reads, 'I'd like to know when you brought that snail into your Lerkim, um, happy face. Did you treat it like a pet? Or someone to talk to?'

The old man smiles warmly and sighs, 'That snail was my friend for thirty years, Oncie's Sweetheart, it served as a friend for me and someone to talk to. Of course, it was an extra mouth to feed during the winter, but we stocked up nicely on stuff during the summer. Then that snail reminded me that was happiness in the world.'

He shouts out, 'SPOILER!' and giggled, 'Gelania always loved snails.'

He chuckles, 'Now let me be to my dreaming!'

* * *

The young Once-ler throws up marshmallows in the air and tries to catch them in his mouth. He catches a few, but Pipsqueak intercepts most of them. They laugh together and throw more. 'Oh hey guys!' Once chuckles. He reads out loud, 'Have you ever heard of marsh pies? They're kind of a famous thing where I live.'

He reads the description and drools a bit. 'Chocolate sause? ON PIZZE CRUST!? WITH MARSHMALLOWS!? I thin k that the greatest thing I ever heard! Why, I think I could sell those! And it's environmentally friendly! Aah!'

Her hand from behind the camera gives him a slice. She pecks his cheek on the way out. He blushes, then squeals with excitement. 'Ooo it's gonna taste so good…' he takes his first bite, chews slowly. His eyes light up with delight and he says with a full mouth, 'Aww yeah. Oh no, not selling these. All to myself. Gosh this is amazing!'

Pipsqueak laughs at his greed that just won't go away. Once-ler laughs at himself and picks off a piece for his friend. The small barb-a-loot gobbles it and loves it, too.

All of a sudden, Once's alter ego pops out from behind a tree. 'Hey, um, buddy, old pal.' he nudges the other's arm. Once pulls away and says greedily, 'No! This is mine! Make your own!'

'Bu-'

'Beat it!'

The Greed-ler sulks away, but not before turning the camera, 'Oh, and Rose Silverpen, I'm not a fan of you trying to kill me.' The two behind him snicker.

* * *

The Once-ler puts on his hat, smiles, and turn away gracefully to the camera, 'Hello everyone! This question's from ILoveHeartsAndAnimals and they asked, 'Do you have any other favorite animals besides Barb-a-loots, swamee swans, and humming fish?'

The Once-ler thinks for a second, and says, 'You know? I've seen pictures of animals called manatees, and they are so chubby its pretty cool. And cute.'

He blushes a bit as that sounded girly. He quickly changes, 'I I mean, bulldogs! Yeah grrrr! Bulldogs are tough. And manly.'

Jade screams from behind the camera, 'EPIC FAIL.'

He crosses his arms, 'You do better!'

* * *

The Once-ler adjusts his fedora and takes a deep breath. Stage productions have never been his thing. It had been extremely hard to go up in front of the town to advertise his Thneed. But this was different. This would be broadcasted _world wide. _What if they threw tomatoes at him? Then it would be everywhere. Internet videos, t-shirts, the whole sha-bang. But he has to do this. For the fans. He took another breath, and swung his legs around to walk to the curtain. His thin legs wobble to the stage as he walks to the curtain. He open it, and walks onto the stage.

The audience screams and claps widely at his appearance. 'Oh jeez.' He breaths. Once everything had died down, he said with shaky hands, 'Ok, well, hello everyone. This has been a fantastic month, for Jade, me and everyone here. I would like to say a few words, then Senior will, then Greed will-'

He was interrupted by a series of boos and screams. He chuckles, 'I know, I know. And then Jade would like to say thanks.'

He coughs, 'Anyway, you guys have been a great audience. I loved the questions you gave me, the smiles, the kisses, the hugs, everything. I thought that my fandom would've decreased over time, but it still stays strong. I would like to say thanks for your support. And uh, here's Senior.'

The Once-ler beams -proud that he didn't even stutter- and welcomes Senior onto the stage. The audience claps politely and the room was full of smiles. 'Why, uh, hello everyone. I also had a ton of fun doing this, even if my first couple question were bizarre.' he laughs with the crowd, 'Anway, here's Greed-'

'Yea yea yea, quit talking old man.' Greed smirks and takes the microphone from him.

'Was I really this much a dou-'

'Anyway! I would like to says THANKS FOR QUESTION YOU BLOKES.' HE turns to the right, 'Am I done here?'

Jade came onto the stage, wearing a sparkling blue dress and her square glasses, and shoves Greed down the floor. 'THAT'S FOR CALLING MY HUSBAND AN OLD COOT.'

The young Once-ler gulps from backstage, 'Husband?'

'Anyway!' she continues, 'I had so much fun writing this! This was an amazing experience for al of us here, and I hope you all return to read Keeping It Together! You guys are fantastic, without there would be no story. A fan fiction needs two things to survive: the will to write, and fans. You guys have provided more then enough to keep this stable. It's kind of like the quote, 'Unless someone like you cares an awful whole lot, nothing is going to change, it's not.' If you guys didn't care about this, it would've never been updated, and for that, we thank you.' She wipes her eyes and takes all of the Once-ler's hands. He audience claps and cheers as they all bow. Jade swings her arms to the men, and they bow together. They swing her arms to her, and she curtsies.

'Thank you everyone!' They all exclaim.

And so the story ends.


End file.
